Lover's Internal Quarrel
by Painted With a Palette
Summary: I'm in love with my best friend. God help me. AU. Sokai.
1. My Internal Secret

_Dear Journal,_

_I have a confession to make._

_I know what you're thinking. Is this one of your recycled stories that you've heard a million times before with a recycled protagonist whose personality is the equivalent to cardboard? Perhaps, but that's up for you to decide._

_Who knew that gathering thoughts into one cohesive basin would be so difficult? I feel like a train that's proceeding its way to the fork in the tracks—ready for a chaotic anti-climax._

_Do you know what love is, mysterious person who just so happens to be reading this personal private journal entry? I don't know if you do. If you're in my age range, a junior in high school, then I doubt it. People mistake love for lust on practically a daily basis, and then end up in shit relationships because of it. We could all blame the males for our lewd desires that any heterosexual can cater towards other women, but I say the woman is at fault too. If they just knew the difference between the saint and the sinner, things might go a little smoother. The female craving for a "bad boy" really punctures my skin. So instead of finding a guy who will treat you right and give you equal amounts of respect, you choose—for lack of better words—a dick. Makes sense._

_But hey, we're teenagers. Our brain capacity can only be so immense. Our understanding of human psychology is very limited, whether we want to admit it or not. What I'm trying to get at—is that love is a painful cycle. It's a nonstop Ferris wheel, a line without an endpoint, an eternal tunnel that only the lucky ones can die happily in. If you take all of the inhabitants of the world, only a handful have probably found a lover that's parallel to them. Have I? To keep a long story short—no._

_I've lived my life under the bridge ever since I hit middle school, also known as the most awkward years of my life. They say high school is the point where you start to find out who it is you are and what you want to be, but I went through all of that when I was just thirteen._

_So, what's this confession I have? I'll put it bluntly. I'm in love with someone._

_Love is strong a word, especially for me. I mean, shit, I know about as much of the world as Bart Simpson. That little rascal has been ten years old ever since The Simpsons cartoon came out in the late 1980s. Do you see what I'm getting at here? I'm saying that just like Bart Simpson, I've yet to grow up. I like to think of myself as relatively mature in my own right, especially when compared to my barbaric classmates. Though, in the midst of my faint supremacy, they have something that I don't._

_Balls._

_Now before you tie that into me being a transgender gone wrong, I mean that they have more courage to go after what they want more so than I ever have. I've always been the little pussycat that would get eaten alive in the doghouse. That doesn't mean I'll back down in a fight, but I'm not looking for one either._

_When I was in the sixth grade, it was like I was silently walking in a race of hungry lions. They charged head first into any situation they came across, while my lack of mental facility constrained me from keeping up. All of the boys were already getting girlfriends, trading porn magazines at the back of the school, hell, a few had even lost their virginity already. I was too innocent._

_I also have this theory that me without balls also makes me the perfect lover. I've yet to have the opportunity to be captivated by the aura of romance, so I'm more prone to appreciation. I've never been able to have that special girl to love, not once. My friends are so used to it that they take their companions for granted. I shun whenever I see it. I hate seeing my peers with a perfectly fine woman who would do anything for them neglect them so carelessly._

_I figure that they ought to be lucky to have someone at all. If I were to have a woman like that, I would do everything to make sure that every moment she spends with me is like a rollercoaster, that every time I compliment her I truly mean what I say, that every kiss we share is magical._

_But of course, me without balls also equals me without confidence in myself. I like to think of myself as a good catch, I just don't know how to throw myself properly to make others actually see this. I patiently wait for a girl to come waltzing into my life ready bring me out of this depressing reality I've been cornered in. Basically, a girl that doesn't exist._

_I've lived long enough to learn that those flawless female leads in the movies are all imaginary. I'm sure there are a very small percentage of lucky fellows that have gotten a chance to meet their perfect counterpart. Good for them, fucking bastards. For whatever reason, I'm not one of them. However, there is one girl that is just so god damned perfect that I myself think that perhaps she is a character out of a movie._

_The point is in all of this confusion is that I'm in love. This is that special type of love. The one that is just so close yet so agonizingly difficult to reach, and you feel as if you're not worthy of your potential significant other. It's almost like you're a foil that doesn't meet their standards. This domestic affection I have for her is trapped inside of a bottle._

_I'm in love with my best friend, Kairi Hart. God help me. _

_Kairi's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. The childhood friend scenario is getting old, I know, but it's such a heartbreaker. Can you really resist? I remember how we met all the way back in elementary school. She was the weird kid. Nobody would play with her. She had weird fetishes for sticking dolls in the soil head first and digging unsharpened pencils up her nose. The kids all thought she was insane and everybody would avoid her._

_I thought she was weird too, but I also found her fascinating. What would influence a kid—a girl, no less—to jump into a pile of fresh mud getting her pretty little sundress all dirtied up? I wanted to know._

_I remember one day I was paired up with her for an activity, something I was not looking forward to. Turns out, she was actually really nice the more I got to know her. Annoying—but still nice._

_The next day, I decided to play with her at recess. The other kids thought I had gone coo coo for Cocoa Puffs and started avoiding me too. She seemed happy enough to have a playmate, but it wasn't like she appreciated my kindness or anything. In fact, I was more like another one of her toys if nothing else. She always used me as a guinea pig for one of her stupid "experiments" and whenever she had another one of her wicked impulsive schemes come to mind, I got dragged along for the ride, whether I liked it or not._

_This routine went on until middle school, where she finally began to start showing more signs of her femininity. Sure, she had a stupid idea every once in a while that I'd participate in, but it wasn't on the regular basis anymore like it used to be. This was also the period when I realized that throughout the years of me bitching about how irritating my friend was, I was actually having fun. I loved getting into all sorts of misadventures with her. I loved the days when we would raise hell at our school. Those were fun times. I had hoped that things would never change._

_But things did change. Middle school was also around the time when the other guys were starting to notice Kairi. And they should have; she was getting a lot cuter. She still wasn't the "it" girl. It wasn't like every guy in our class was out to get with her. They thought she was cute, but that was about as far as it went. Personality-wise, she was still labeled as the crazy bitch with all of the awesome ideas. She was just another bro._

_But to me, she was my best friend. Throughout the denial, I finally admitted to myself that I liked Kairi. And I mean really liked her. The revelation hit me like a bullet. The days of her being on my mind nonstop haunt me to this moment in time. Her bright smile lit up my entire day. I was oddly getting a kick out of her whooping my ass whenever I screwed up one of her little plans. Don't judge me. _

_And then, high school happened. This was like the turning point in the movie that you totally saw coming right when the characters were introduced. In middle school, Kairi was cute. In high school, Kairi was gorgeous._

_Her cherry hair that was once cut short now went slightly past her shoulders. It struck a fire in every single guy's sweltering heart on the campus. Her enviable, desirable curves had settled, her chest perky, her eyes mesmerizing any poor fool into a trap of love bubbles. While she wasn't as much of a tomboy as she was in previous years, she still fit the title. But she was a hot tomboy. The kind of girl that didn't trip over getting their hands a little dirty. The kind of girl who was determined to get you to up your game and give your best effort, from school projects to sports. The kind of girl who seemed so strong, you couldn't help but flop in her presence._

_We all have our own definitions for perfect. She's my definition. Kairi is unblemished; she's the most captivating person I've ever met. The only one who can keep me on my toes and yet make me not want to get off them. No other girl has plucked at my heartstrings so viciously. I bet she has no idea how much joy and pain she brings me sometimes._

_No, that's not right. I shouldn't blame Kairi for my misery. I should blame myself for still having not made a move after four long years of liking her. My other best friend, Riku, has been pushing me to ask her out. I always give him that exhausted excuse of not wanting to ruin our friendship over a serious relationship and/or not wanting to disband our little trio. And while both excuses are valid, I would still at least like to have a taste of what it would be like to have all of my embarrassing fantasies become concrete within reality._

_Even though I would never do anything to hurt Kairi, I can't say that I haven't daydreamed about fucking her. I mean, I'm a teenager in high school. Need I explain more? Hormones are a bitch._

_I don't want to get graphic but I just can't stop thinking about having her body pressed against mine, husky breaths, and intense motions. Feeling her bare skin rub on mine as we admire each other, eyes filled with a mixture of lust and love. Those perky breasts that are just the right size… I just love picturing myself groping them. Her sweet kisses would only arouse me further. I can't stop thinking about her sacred area as I'd inject my shaft inside of her, feeling her stiffen at my overbearing thrusting. I want to be rewarded by her moans. I want her to scream for me to continue to give her this pleasure that not any other man on this earth could ever do. See? Not graphic at all._

_The crazy part is that I don't even want to have sex with her just for my own personal triumph and pleasure. I want Kairi to get as much, or even more enjoyment out of our intimacy than even myself. I don't care if her wetness feels like my jock is getting fitted into a tight bowling ball, if she's not enjoying it, then I can't go any further. She's that important to me._

_This also comes with the topic of her happiness. If being with me is not what makes her happy, then I can't go through with it. When we get intimate and she doesn't seem to be receiving pleasure, then I want her to find another partner that can fulfill her desires. Her happiness is more important to me than my own. I guess that makes me a sap or whatever._

_Why won't she leave my mind? It's getting harder each day, and I'm not just talking about my internal conflict. Seriously, porn doesn't even get me off anymore. It has to be her. Just thinking about all of things I'd do to her gets me stiff. Thinking about simple things like walking on parks together and even having Disney movie marathons with her on my lap gets me hard—I can't even tell if it's in a sexual way anymore._

_I'm not creepy enough to whack off to a picture of her, though. I have my limits, even though I may seem like a pervert who only wants to fuck my best friend, but that isn't the case. I honestly wish it was, this wouldn't hurt so badly. I wouldn't have to deal with my insides twisting into knots that make me feel the need to puke just to get my mind off of her. I have to do something about this before I go mentally unstable._

_Luckily for me, she's only had a few boyfriends so far, which were all just impulsive flings that went nowhere. I don't think I could even bear to see her with someone else. She's been asked out plenty of times but she's rejected nearly every single one of them. A tiny little spark of optimism ignites within me in hopes that maybe she's waiting for Mr. Right to come along and sweep her off her feet. If I'm fortunate, I might be that lucky someone._

_These thoughts are only torturing me further. I can't deal with not knowing, but I need to find out if the feelings I have for her have even the slightest chance at being reciprocated! Or else they'll tear me to shreds, shitting bombs of torment at me when I let my guard down. It's time for me to man up. There's only one way I can assure myself that I can be free from this corruption raining on me like a dark grey cloud. It's a conclusion I spent the last few years hoping I'd be on the receiving end of it, but it looks as if that's not the case. So there's only one thing I can possibly do…_

_I'm going to confess my feelings to my best friend._

_Sora Hikari_

**Okay, so I really did not want to start up another story but the ideas won't stop bugging me, so I have to do something about it!**

**This story all depends on the reaction it gets. Tell me if you think I should continue it or if you're interested to know what happens next. I understand if you don't because this chapter doesn't really set the mood for the story just yet.**

**Doesn't it just suck to see someone you like seem so unattainable? That's what this story is gonna be about. But yeah, tell me what you think in a review!**


	2. My Internal Contradiction

Hey. You.

Yeah, you. Whom have stumbled upon this one in a million title of my oh so attractive lifestyle. I don't know, I've never thought of myself as someone interesting enough to even deserve a spotlight, but apparently, that's why you're still here, right? Or else you would have clicked the "Back" button during the last chapter.

To think, my life has reduced me into being a character into some hopeless romantic's stupid fan fiction, as if I wasn't already being showered in insecurities atone to my solid status as nobody important, a borderline loser. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. I'm the only one who seems to be aware of my fictionalized life. It's an awareness I'd rather be numb to, quite honestly. It isn't very self fulfilling to know that my life rests in the hands of someone behind a god damn computer screen. This authoress had better be an awful writer. If she's a good one, I'm pretty sure I'll get shitted on regardless. But alas, that's all up for you to decide. Doesn't make me very hopeful to the future.

For me, the first step of story writing would be to begin with the characters. So who am I? In case you weren't paying attention last chapter, I am your main protagonist. By traditional laws, I'm supposed to be the guy with charming good looks who gets everything I want while I save the day triumphantly on the saddle of a black stallion, right? Of course, you stubborn readers don't want any of that. I'm classified as average. Maybe most of you guys don't like Mary Sues, but as a character, it's equivalent to the American dream. Is it morally wrong for me to desire perfection? Because of this, my happy ending lies in the balance of whatever this twisted world has to offer. And since we're telling this through my perspective, my job is to engross you into the world I live in.

Screw you.

Sometimes I watch birds and wonder; if I could fly, who would I take a shit on? It'd probably be the guy with the genius idea of having kids wake up so early just to go to school—my most wonderful, exquisite, favorite place to go to.

I stand before a huge white building in wide lengths, situated at around four stories tall. A decently sized campus spreads for a handsome distance with a walkway that leads to Destiny High School, or what I like to call the eccentric tower of terrorism. Why is that everything we do in life that's required or important always so mundane? The world's acquired taste really irks me. Like how all the stuff that tastes like ecstasy on your taste buds, which for me is junk food, turn out to be the things that are bad for you. I may come off as a stubborn prick, but fuck veggies. The struggle is real, people.

I turn to my right to see blue eyes shamelessly zoned out in a rather bored gaze. "Entranced, Roxas?" I ask to catch my twin brother's attention.

He looks at me with a blank stare. "Quite honestly, I hate this school. There's only one thing I'm looking forward to."

"Oh, let me guess. Does it start with an N?"

He rolls his eyes but his smirk says otherwise. His golden blond hair compliments his annoyingly shiny grin. As my sibling, I feel like I should hate this guy, but throughout the years of mutual understanding, that's not the case.

"So, what's the big plan?" I ask.

He scoffs, as if impervious to my question. "I don't know what you're talking about. I just really want to see her. A whole weekend without Naminé is far too much for me."

"She's got you so whipped."

"If that's the case, she better make like Django and spank my whipped ass 'cause I'm liking it."

What a weirdo. My brother has had the hots for Naminé, one of the most sought after females in my grade, since he met her last year. His infatuation is understandable. Blonde, cute, and irresistibly innocent. I find no faults. They're perfect for each other, but Roxas isn't confident enough to seal the deal. I can relate.

Ignorant eyes usually assume they're already a couple. You should see the way they act around each other. I'd inform you of it, but quite frankly, I like to _keep_ my breakfast within my bowels this morning.

Enough stalling, let's get this show on the road.

We head inside the building to be greeted with an uninteresting, but all-too familiar main foyer. A staircase leads up to two extra sets of steps, one going right and the other going left. On the wall is a big painting. It's a collage of white doves as they flutter about in a sunny bliss. Guess who painted it? Miss Naminé herself.

The walls are a dull white as students linger, chattering among their selected clique-oriented groups. That's what the social standing is like at this place, it's all cliques unless you're really popular. I would never consider myself popular. If anything, I'm just well-known. And the only reason for that is because I'm Riku's unofficial sidekick. Riku is what I'd classify as popular. And speaking of him, I see no sign of any silver hair. I guess that gives me the hint. What am I even doing here?

I take a step, and Roxas is already over my shoulder. "Where are you about to go? Class doesn't start up for another ten minutes."

Class? Silly boy. "I'm not going to class."

If Riku's not here, then I already know where to find him. I figure that I'd be best off to skip class rather than waste my time not paying attention anyway. I'm still in the post-stages of waking up, so forgive my lack of desire to live up to my morals. My grades don't concern me as much as they probably should, but I'm a delinquent. School should be about learning, not getting grades. And quite frankly, I don't learn anything from any of these shitty teachers either way. I'm not about to allow a letter define me.

Roxas doesn't shy away his disappointed face. "Sora, you're gonna get called in for truancy if you keep this up."

"Then that's the price I'll have to pay." I turn back around. "You know me, I'm dexterous when it comes to dodging obstacles that shove themselves into my life. I'll find a way out."

He shakes his head. That stupid smirk of his always finds a way to pinch my nerves a bit. "Then go forth, wise and learned one. Your destiny awaits you, I guess."

Who is he to judge me? His grades are no better then mine. I decide to leave the conversation at that as I make my way up the stairs. I'm greeted to empty halls, red lockers lead down the entire way. It stinks in here. It smells like forced education. Coincidence? I think not.

As I pace down the hallway, I finally make it to the forbidden passage. Steep steps trail all the way up to a door with a big "Exit" sign with bold letters. At last, I get a taste of anticipation. Behind this door, I can finally see the person who means most to me. It's not Riku, to all of you yaoi shippers. Go click on some other fic if that's what you're into. Don't worry, I don't judge.

I push the door open to be greeted to the sun's accusing glare. I walk about the school rooftop. The air's scent is reminiscent to chlorine. Seagulls swift by me. As I continue, I find a feminine figure with auburn hair looking out into the distance. My body heats up as my chest tightens almost immediately. Still, doesn't stop the smile I can feel forming on my lips. I can't even tell if it's voluntary or not. Regardless, my day just got a whole lot better.

She is the light within the darkness of my dull routine. I can admit that life would be about as dry as Death Valley without her. What is it about her? Is it the hair? Her scent? I think it's the positive personality before anything else. She has that gift to enhance the energy in a room with one hint of a smile. It's quite endearing. You don't find too many girls like her, and I'm lucky to have her in my life.

But is telling her how I feel the route I really want to take? What if she doesn't reciprocate? And how would Riku feel about all this? Dating in a circle of friends is one of the worst things you can ever do. The chances of things actually going back to how they once were is almost futile.

"Kairi!" I yell.

She snaps around at the sound of her name. Her beauty bounces off the sun's rays, it nearly paralyzes me. Her lips curve upwards as her eyes widen. She gives me a big wave. "Hiya! Get over here!"

And thus, the main female lead. She's my love interest, if it wasn't already obvious. If I have to give the writer any props so far, it's that I have thank them for this wonderful gift, a splendor of heaven. She's gorgeous. Yeah, I know _you _probably can't physically see her right now but... too bad. Sucks for you. You're totally missing out. Can we skip character development and just get to the hot and heavy scenes? Please?

...

Yeah, I didn't think so. Where's the fun in that, I guess.

She looks me over. "Sora, you need a haircut."

I immediately frown. "What's wrong with my hair?"

She digs her hand into the spiky jungle atop my scalp. "It's cute, don't get me wrong. It adds to what little boyish charm you seem to have, but it's just so...so..."

"Abnormal," says a wannabe macho voice from behind me. I turn around to be hit with a smirk. It's Riku, of course. I mean, are you even surprised?

"Don't even talk about Sora, Riku. Your hair _really_ needs a haircut."

He rolls his eyes while I stick my tongue out at him. Point goes to me.

"Where were you, anyway?" Riku asks, his question directed to me. "Usually you're here before me."

I slouch. "Rough morning."

"Aw," Kairi says as she pokes me on the cheek with her index finger, "what happened? You can tell little ol' me anything."

"Hey, I found your nose. It's in my business again." Sorry, but not even Kairi's trap of love bubbles that constantly encircles me can make me want to remember my morning earlier. It's not a very interesting story anyway. I turn to Riku. "What about you? You're late almost every morning. What makes today so special that you'd be on time for once?"

He shrugs as he sits on the ledge of the roof. "Mom kicked me out earlier. Plus, I had to deal with some guys picking on this kid at the end of my street. It was enough excitement to get me to wake up. You know, like, all the way up."

Kairi clasps her hands together in what I assume to be mock adoration. "Oh Riku, what a hero!"

"Is that all?" I ask as I take a seat next to him.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just doesn't seem in you to be, you know, helpful to anyone besides yourself."

"What am I? A monster?"

"No. Just really full of yourself."

"More like a pretentious monster," Kairi adds in with a chuckle.

"Hey, I can't help it if I'm the sexiest piece of meat that happens to grace this school. Hell, it's probably the reason this place is such a landmark. It's just how God chose to create me."

Kairi rolls her eyes. "You and your looks. That's all that ever comes out of that fat mouth of yours these days."

"But can you deny it? I mean, _really, _can you deny facts?"

"No, but I can deny someone who refuses modesty," I retort, a smirk on my lips. "You might want to learn about it someday."

"Hey, the way I see it, we've been given these certain traits for a reason. It should be of our best interest to be thankful for them."

"Right. That's totally different from flaunting them."

"For instance," Riku interrupts. He's not even listening to me anymore. "I can be thankful for my perfectly structured body, dazzling smile, and a nice ass to boot. You can be thankful for—um, well, you got nice teeth, I guess."

His modesty never ceases to amaze me. Who am I kidding? It's times like this when I wonder how I even put up with the guy.

Kairi takes a seat next to me while handing us individual water bottles. "Aw, don't even go there, Riku. Sora's cute too! You try to act like you're the only attractive guy the planet has to offer."

Kairi just said I was cute. My day has now been made.

"I resent that. However, I've got to be around the top of the list, am I right? Name one girl in our class who doesn't want a piece of all this?"

I smirk. "Aqua—"

"Hey! We do _not _mention the A word around here! That name is forbidden!"

"You asked, I simply attempted to answer." I gulp down some water. It's surprisingly refreshing. It's chilly aftertaste probably has something to do with that. I look over to Kairi and notice she's already finished with her water. She carelessly tosses it off the building. I hit her gently in the head with my nearly empty bottle. "Littering now, are we? Bad Kairi. Bad."

She knocks the water bottle away as I chortle. "Knock it off." She lays back on the roof's pavement and squints at the sun. "I'm so _bored. _Don't you guys wanna do something cool? This school year has been a drag so far."

"On the contrary, we've only been back at school for about a month. I think you're setting your expectations way too high."

"Not necessarily," she returns, "I just think this school has so much potential that it wastes voluntarily just to appeal to all the parents and adults. For goodness sake, have you seen the productions we're throwing this year? Wizard of Oz, Nutcracker, Peter Pan—it's all stuff that's been done before."

"This school blows hardcore dick," Riku says, entering the conversation. Oh, the intricacy of his clever wordplay creates shrivels of shame to mediocre poets such as Shakespeare.

"Something needs to change, you guys! And you know what? I'm gonna be the one to change it! No more of this same old boring routine. We're gonna have to _do _something about this!"

"What did you have in mind?" I ask.

She sits up immediately and beams at me. It's so innocent, yet so dangerous at the same time. Why does she have to be so cute? "That's where _you _come in! You're gonna help me come up with something interesting for us to do this year. Let's face it, all we've been doing lately is skipping class and heading over to Cait Sith's after school every day."

"When you put it like that, you make it sound like a _bad _thing," Riku says. Kairi rolls her eyes. "I, for one, enjoy the peace and quiet."

"I second that," I pipe.

"That's because you two are a bunch of lazy bums! But me, I'm not. And I want something to do before I rip my hair out!"

Okay, you've sold me. Can't have her ripping out her hair, now can we? And she's not to be taken lightly. She _does _have the potential to literally rip her hair out if she gets too bored. Those beautiful tresses factors in about, twenty percent of her attractive quota. It'd be a shame for it to be tossed aside so carelessly. Damn it, now I sound like a shallow douche.

"I guess I can see where you're coming from," I agree. "Still doesn't help determine what it is we'd actually do."

She rubs her chin in thought. I can see the gears turning already. "That's where we're stuck. But I know how to fix that! I know something will come up eventually, and you'll be right there to help me out, won't you?"

No promises. Not even to you, Mistress.

She kisses me on the cheek. Aw, tarter sauce! She knows it's my weakness. My will to protest suddenly lodges in my throat. My reluctance has hit a wall.

Damn it.

"Okay. I'm in."

"Great!" That smile of hers really does make it all worth it. Even though I might end up in hell, knowing her. Remember when I said that I usually get dragged along for the ride, whether I want to or not? Well, there you go. You could make the argument that it's my own damn fault but...

It's pretty much my own damn fault. Why am I such a sap?

She stands up and rests her bag around her shoulders. So, she leaves right after dumping important information onto me? It goes into the cues of when a character has done their job for a particular scene. Even the most fleshed out characters are still just walking plot devices when it all comes down to it. We're Pawns, tools, in a metaphorical sense. She isn't needed anymore so the logical thing to do is write her out. How unoriginal. "Meet me here on the rooftop tomorrow, ten minutes early! I'm sure I'll have an idea by then."

Ten minutes? Any request for a breach in my morning routine is designated for disappointment. But I'm not gonna be the one to damage her mood.

"I'll be here."

She runs off with a bounce in her step. I never knew I had the potential to make her day like that. Gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. At least, it would if I weren't so cautious. Something about that smile puts me in a lofty mood. I want to get excited, but at the same time, that very smile of hers was the foundation of too much trouble that I can account for. Let's just say, we've had our fair share of suspensions on her behalf.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Riku says. He really knows how to tick me off this morning.

"Shut up. I've got my own dilemmas to deal with."

He sits up while taking in a breath. "And what might that be?"

Should I tell him? I mean, the fact that I was planning on telling Kairi how I feel would cause an immediate twist in our relationship. Not to mention that tongue of his; always mouthing off things that were meant to be secrets. It's a shame that I can't trust one of my acclaimed best friends.

In hindsight, he already knows how I feel about her. It's the fact that I planned on confessing to her is what he remains ignorant of. I think I'll keep that tidbit of information away from him for just a bit longer. Better to be safe than sorry.

"Nothing worth mentioning," I finally answer.

He doesn't look convinced. "You'll tell me eventually." He gets up from his spot and wipes off the back of his pants before picking up his backpack and draping it over his shoulder.

"Oh yeah, and why do you say that?"

He scoffs with a grin. "Because I'm Riku, bitch." Somebody make a meme out of that.

He ambles back inside, leaving me to gaze at the sun by myself. I really should get going. Second period is gonna start soon. But I've got too much on my mind right now that I wouldn't even pay attention in class.

Kairi... why must you do this to me? One minute, I'm praising you to my wonderful audience, then you hit me upside the head with some stupid idea of yours. It's kind of hard to be in love with somebody who's constantly using me as an errand boy. People like to think of me as being Riku's sidekick, but the smart ones know that I'm Kairi's bitch, if nothing else. Now all that's left to do is wait until tomorrow so that I can find out whatever it is that's actually going on through that wacky brain of hers. Her thought process really fascinates me.

I wonder if that's all my love is, a mere fascination that just happened to be the seed of infatuation? No, I doubt it. That makes me sound like I want to lock her up on a flat bed and perform extraterrestrial experimentation on her.

I gather up all my energy to even get up from my spot. I have the tendency to allow my mind to magnetically attach my ass to a surface once it's settled. First world problems of a renowned slouch potato. I carry my bag as I make my way back inside.

What am I getting myself into?

* * *

**I went on major writer's block for this story, and after about three rough drafts, I finally came up with something. I think this is the best draft I came up with. It's a little short, but there's no need for this to drag on any further. **

**So, how is Sora so far? Is he a good main protagonist so far? And is his narration enjoyable to read? I gained some inspiration from Jomatto's depiction of him and Kyon from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. I tried to mix those two together.** **How about Riku and Kairi? Kairi's character is a little based off of Haruhi herself. I've been watching a lot of that anime lately and it's sort of gotten to me. ****Let me know any positive or negative feedback in a review, as long as it's constructive! **

**That scene with Sora, Riku, and Kairi's conversation, I took cues from an old story of mine I made on another account. Virtual cookie for anybody who recognizes it! **

**Oh, and to Someone Dark, the guest reviewer, I'm sorry it took me so long to get this out since you seemed to be very interested, but I hope this sufficed! :) **

**Big thanks to Guardian's Solace for faving and following **

**WitsWithMe for favoriting, following, _and_ reviewing (why can't more people be like you?)**

**musicgrl96 for faving and following **

**ventus535 for faving and reviewing **

**SoraxKairi7 for reviewing **

**And blissfulnightrain for reviewing, following, and helping me out a little with this one **

**I appreciate it! **


	3. My Internal Conflictions

Still here? I'm impressed.

With the school day at its stump, I wait on the bench inside of the local train station. The sudden urge to sleep hits me. It may have something to do with my posture since my head lulls on my knuckles as my elbow sits on the bench rest. I'm usually tired 24/7. Tired of school, tired of life, tired of anything that doesn't have to do with me being back home in bed with a bag of potato chips in my boxers. Not to mention a certain auburn-haired creature who I'm certain is from another species. Perhaps an intoxicating species of beautiful specimen only created from the finest alignments of ingredients producing pure perfection. The nonsensical description fits Kairi to a tee.

The worst thing about a train station is waiting. Not to mention the color of nearly everything in the area; the dreary grey does little to arouse much visual interest at all. The people, for the most part, all look like shit. Heavy clothing garners the majority. Not a smile among us. But of course, there's not much to be smiling for. It's like a basin of the world's most average all cooped up to enjoy one average, run of the mill afternoon together where the term average may even be an understatement. All excitement has been flushed out and disintegrated from our grim moods. It's the rare ones like Kairi who are supposed to balance us out.

It's times like these where I find myself so confused. I hate boredom, yet I shiver whenever Kairi comes up with a wicked scheme. I seem to have a fine appetite for contradictions, if you couldn't tell from the last chapter. I should be jumping for joy that Kairi is boiling up another plot. It beats homework, for sure. Still, I can't seem to find the will to be excited. In fact, I'd almost say I'm quite apathetic. But I hate sitting here doing nothing. I hate when she's not around. The rest of the world feels like it kicked back a few notches, or that I ended up in some kind of—lost, dejection of open space. I don't know what I'm getting at here anymore. Just finding excuses to exalt my frustration with an obnoxious scream.

By the way, where the hell is he? Well, by story laws I can expect that the character would show up right about...

"Sorry it took me so long."

This is just too damn predictable.

Roxas walks up to me with two ice cream bars. It's sea-salt ice cream. It's purified with sweetness that can be observed at a mere glance as glistening sugar cubes blink at me like stars in a deep, raven flushed sky. It almost illuminates throughout this entire station. Thank you authoress for this gift of sugary goodness!

He hands me my ice cream bar and takes a seat next to me. We wordlessly lick our treats as the echo of the train hums in our ear. Unfortunately, it's not our train. But at least it lets me know we've still got five more minutes until our stop arrives.

"Hey Sora," Roxas suddenly says. I can't help but notice the slight melancholy cloaked beneath his tone. "Have you ever felt... like you weren't meant to exist?"

Fantastic.

Although, I'm not very surprised. From time to time, my brother relishes in sudden bouts of depression seemingly out of nowhere. One minute, he's the neutral, down to earth Roxas that I've grown to respect, and other days, he's more like this; caught in the crossroad between what he should be feeling rather than what he wants to feel. Poor guy.

"Roxas, we've been through this before. You are a very special person, and you were meant to exist. Call me crazy but I doubt you'd be here otherwise."

He chuckles, but it's far from happy. "I see."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I don't know. Just something on my mind. Naminé wasn't there today. It seems like every time she's not around, I can't help but feel depressed."

It's like he's got autism. The only time he can truly be happy is when Naminé is around. Look at him, sitting there with a blank stare. His eyes seem to only blink every two minutes. Steady, cold, lifeless... dead. Don't ask too many questions, unfortunately, I don't hold many answers. I just wish I could find a cure. Maybe Naminé is exactly what the boy needs. But at this rate, he's never gonna get her as his girlfriend if he doesn't ask her out. But I have to admit, if anything, he's closer to obtaining Naminé than I Kairi. He's just not taking advantage of that.

After finishing my ice cream, I decide to sit here and stare into space. What do you _want _me to say? This might come off as me being a bit selfish, but I'm not a therapist. I don't know what to do under these circumstances. The best thing to do would be to find out what could sweeten that sour disposition of his. I don't plan on babysitting him anymore either. Hell, one of the main reasons why we mature into adults is to learn how to handle our own problems. One day, I won't be there for him. Maybe he just needs to figure his own turmoil out for himself. Or maybe...

Maybe I'm just making excuses.

The train finally arrives and we hop on board.

* * *

I make my way into my house. Talk about same old, same old. The living room is the first space I'm greeted to. It's a small room with yellow walls. A fireplace sits on the right, with a conveniently sized wooden table in front of it. Roxas passes me by and staggers upstairs. Still he wears that emotional void of expression.

"I'm gonna go to sleep. Tell Mom I said," he stops for a moment before turning back to me, "good luck."

I sigh, letting out the air of stress from a long day. It's only four thirty, so Dad's definitely not back yet. He won't be back until eleven. Rough shift, huh? But let's not talk about him, okay? He's the last person I feel like talking about. I decide to head up the stairs that's located around the corner of the living room. The second floor hallway isn't anything more interesting. The floor is all wood. I set my bag down by the door to my room. I stagger down until I reach a door at the end. I rap my knuckles against it. It seems pointless for some reason, but it's the polite thing to do.

"Come in," says a frail voice from the other side.

I enter the room to be greeted with a dim bedroom. Stray candles give the room what little light they have to offer. The most eye catching detail would have to be the flat screen television set right before a king-sized mattress.

I pull up a chair and sit myself, clasping my hands together before the woman in the bed before me. She gives me a weak smile.

"Sora..."

"Hi, Mom."

I take her hand. Her skin is far too dry for my comfort. That smile isn't very comforting either. I know how much pain you're feeling inside.

"I'm so glad I have a son like you, always checking on me and making sure I'm okay."

"Yeah," is all I can muster. "You look better." Actually, it doesn't look like much has changed since the last time I saw her. But I suppose it's better that she looks the same rather than be looking worse.

"The doctors say that after a few more treatments, I should be good as new. I'm actually starting to feel a little bit better already."

Liar. I know you're hurting on the inside. You're just using a mask to hide your misery. I get that you don't want me worried but it doesn't really matter because I'll worry about you either way. What don't you get about that?

"What treatment is it this time?"

"Kimo treatment, of course. They'll be checking my bones to make sure everything is okay. If anything, that's what's hurting the most. My bones—it's like they're tingling."

"Anything else?"

"The exhaustion I usually get from doing even the simplest things like going to the bathroom is a bear, but other than that, I'm fine. Really."

Yeah, I'd like to hear you say those words if death comes knocking on your door, waiting for you to give in. What's with this upbringing of denial? It doesn't help anybody. All it does is delay the truth. It's looked at as a good deed, yet it's such an impractical cause. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. "If you're not feeling all that hot, you can just say so."

"It's fine, honest," she yawns. "But I'd really like to get some rest, sweetie. If you don't mind...?"

I guess part of her denial comes from the fact that the ill usually don't like to be looked at as someone in need of extra pampering as if they weren't normal. I can understand that. One day I'm a normal citizen of the public—sought at with respect and dignity. Next thing I know, I need a babysitter. But she can't blame me for being skeptical to her pleas of wellness. It's only human nature that I'd be scandalous.

"Okay," I relent. I stand from the chair and kiss her on the forehead. "Have a good rest."

She nods. "I'll be sure to call you if I need anything."

"You better," I tease. "I don't want to see you walking around the house too much."

She sticks her tongue out. "You're no fun at all anymore. Fine, okay. You win." I win? Yeah sure, _okay. _Might wanna save that for an April's Fool joke or something.

So, there you have it. My brother has low self esteem, borderline depression, and my mother has kimo cancer. I'm not a Mary Sue, remember? I'm not entitled to one of those flawless households you probably get in any other fic. I'm a character first—and a role model last.

I make my way back to my room, dragging my backpack along with me. I toss it by my bed and I show no reluctance to slump on my mattress. It's been a long day. Sleep my most prideful form of escapism. Not books, not movies—just sleep. Problems that are technically quite trivial such as Kairi, or real problems like my mother's sickness, don't seem to matter anymore.

A man once said that black was a bold color. I believe him.

* * *

After my usual morning wake up routine, I finally make it to Destiny High. It's the same as every day; a cluster of adolescence cramps the main lobby as Roxas and I shift through the young bodies. Through my blurred half awake vision, I barely notice someone bump me in the shoulder a tad bit more than I'd preferred. I turn around and sport a scowl. "You know, you could watch where you're going next time!"

The face smirks at me. "What are you gonna do about it, chicken wuss?"

Seifer. I'm assuming you already know what he looks like from his original source of creation. The only thing worth mentioning is his beanie and that scar across the bridge of his nose. Either way, I'm in no mood for him. Dad rushed Roxas and I out of the house today for some reason, and I wasn't able to have any of my mother's famous sweltering hot coffee—of which, she'd make for me even during her illness. This guy's lucky I don't punch him in the face.

"Not in the mood, Seifer."

He flicks me on the forehead, as if I'm no more important than the dirt underneath his feet. My impulsiveness would have gotten the better of me if Roxas hadn't stepped in.

"Hey, chill out," he says, his face stern. Sorry brother, I know you don't need me stressing you out like this. If my parents get a call about my reckless behavior—we both get it. Come on, Hikari, be the bigger man.

I shake my shoulders a bit before giving Seifer one last glare. I head upstairs without a word, and thankfully, neither Roxas or Seifer follow me.

"Hmph. You shouldn't have stolen my girl from me, then we wouldn't have a problem," I hear Seifer say as I make my way up to the rooftop. Whatever. Is he really still on that? That moron needs to learn how to move on. But I guess he wouldn't be a jerk if he did that. That would imply that he's—gasp! Mature!

Fuck him and his feelings. They can both go down the toilet for all I care. I didn't steal anything, but I sure wish I did. It's times like these where I wish I wasn't so closeted in the nice guy category. Sometimes, I want to be able to go out and get what I want without procrastination constantly lurking around the corner. As much as I hate to admit it, maybe if I were a little bit more like Seifer—I wouldn't be batting so low with Kairi right now. The friend zone is a trap and it's not hard to tell when you're stuck.

I realize my feelings are pretty much impractical. The chances of them being flushed into an unsatisfied pipe of despair seems very probable at this point. What was I thinking? What point would there even be in telling her how I feel? I'd be wasting my time, and quite frankly, I'd be making things way more difficult for our little trio of misfits. We, the three musketeers, would be doomed. Our unbreakable bond will have been shattered and cornered by awkwardness. Am I willing to risk that?

I'm thinking way too much right now. Thinking is unhealthy. Thinking is bad. Especially for a content, nonchalant guy like myself. I have a fear of change. At least, a change in a negative consent. And I'm afraid to make changes—even if they're for the better. It's just not part of my lifestyle.

"Sora?"

Kairi's sweet voice brings me out of my thoughts. Holy crap, how did I get here? The sun glares at us once again for our bad skipping habit. No wonder why it's so hot, especially on this roof. I must have dozed off so hard that I didn't even realize I had been mindlessly making my way up here.

She caresses me on the face. "Sora," she hums, her eyes whimsical. Maybe she does have some feelings for me. Normal friends don't just caress each other in the face, do they? Or am I just missing something? I start to think that maybe I do have a chance with her. That is, until she karate chops me right on the head. "You're late! Not too sure if I should be surprised. You _are _a lazy bum, after all!"

I clutch my head as I give her the evil eye. "What the hell was that for? I'm still recovering from the abrupt halt in my beauty sleep, woman! I don't need your disdain."

She rolls her eyes. "I've been waiting for you for almost twenty minutes! I told you to get here early this morning!"

"You should know better than anyone that I'm not very reliable when it comes to a shift in my morning system. I'm a man of consistency." And you know this, so stop trying to act all surprised.

"Excuses, excuses..." she trails. She's a little disappointed, but of course, that might be because she's hiding the fact that she's happy to see me. It's something she does all the time. "Next time, you get here on the dot, mister!" She huffs as she crosses her arms and directs her body to the side.

"Aw," I coo. I pat her on the head. "Sorry Kai, won't happen again. But I find it cute that you missed me so much."

Her cheeks redden as she smacks my hand away with a growl. "That's not the case!"

We hear a step from behind us. I turn around to see Riku with two bagels in his hands. "Kairi, I don't think they had the ones you usually like." He lifts his head and immediately smirks at my face. "Well, well, look who decided to show up. I told Kairi that she wasn't going to be able to depend on you to make it here on time, so that's why I offered to come up here in your place to at least keep her company." He hands Kairi the bagel. He knows good and well that Kairi depends more on him whenever I don't exactly come through, but he insists on rubbing it in my face.

"What? No breakfast fuel for me?"

He feels on my nonexistent muscles. "Well, you could use a little extra meat on your bones, but Sora, this is a _bagel. _I think you should start off slow, don't you? Maybe some peanuts." He chuckles.

I need to add asking the authoress for a different character to play the part as my best friend on my to-do list. But hey, he's been with me since I was four. It'd be impossible for me to have an actual grudge against him. Still, to say he's irritating is an understatement. This is the _morning _you mad man! Cut me some slack.

"Don't feel too bad about it," he continues, "baby steps is always a good place to start. Then, if you're lucky, you'll be up there with me." He flexes his muscles. Even Kairi groans.

I wear a smirk. "You know, Riku, a wise man once told me being humble shows how confident you are. Bragging just shows how insecure you pretend not to be."

He shuts up immediately. Kairi points at him with both fingers. "OOH, BURN!"

He's one of my best friends, it's my job to shut him down when he's charging up his own ego too much.

"Since you know everything, I guess you know that you're a dick too, right?"

"Hey, all I wanted was a bagel. Some coffee would have been appreciated. But I guess I'm not inclined."

"Get here on time then, bakaaa~!" Kairi yells at me. Okay, seriously, whose side is this bitch on? And I don't understand the point of switching from English to Japanese, but questioning her on those things isn't worth it. I guess we're satirizing anime.

"Instead of antagonizing me, how about you guys tell me why I needed to be here so early. Did you come up with something, Kairi?"

Riku presents her as he lay down on the concrete, his hands folded behind his head. "Let the boy know, Kai Kai."

Kairi smiles proudly as she hops onto the ledge of the roof with her fists on to her sides. She clenches her fingers with determination. "This group meeting has been called because I have a brand new idea!" she declares. Way to state the obvious.

If I were a smart man, I'd run away. But unfortunately, I'm blinded by my love for her.

"We're still fairly early in the school year. Things have been going by pretty slow. So, I feel like it is our duty to spice things up!"

Déjà vu, anyone? "I think that obligation is geared more towards you than to me." I'm no hype man. I like when things are normal. Normal means I don't have to push any unnecessary boundaries. Of course, with Kairi around, normal is impossible. I've grown used to it.

"Of course!" she beams. "It's my job to make school more interesting! Otherwise, my name wouldn't be Kairi Hart!"

Because I totally forgot.

"Anyway," she continues as she clears her throat, "I was wandering around the school yesterday to see if I could find anything interest, but of course, nothing worked. That is, until I made it down the electives hall. You know, where classes and activities like Woodstock, art, and music band are. I couldn't help but find myself glued to the club rooms. Then it hit me; if I can't find anything that piques my interest, then I _make _things more interesting."

"I thought that was your motto," Riku thinks aloud.

"That isn't the point. The point is that I know what we're gonna do." She turns around and faces the sun as she punches a determined fist into the air. "We're gonna make a club!"

This reminds me of something. Can't remember what, though. All I know is that I can tell this is already going to be a handful.

"Okay, what are we going to do for this club?" I ask.

Her shoulders slump. She turns to me with a sheepish chuckle. "That's where I'm a little lost at..."

I sigh. Typical Kairi, always thinking up of a plan without piecing together the context. Come to think of it, why _do _I adore her so much?

She hops down and pats my cheek. "But that's where you come in, silly. I need you to help me gather up some group members and a room for us to meet up at! I'm counting on you!" She kisses me on the cheek, and I suddenly remember the reasons for my adoration.

Can you blame me? She's counting on me to get this done for her. I'm her best bet, although neither Riku or me are really dependable. I'm a couch potato, and Riku's so full of himself he might end up forgetting the task at hand. But even I can vouch for some harmless excitement every now and then. This, however, seems pointless. I don't get how a club will do anything to zest the flavor of our school lives, but she's the expert. I'm not. So lead me on, fearless captain. I guess I understand why Roxas doesn't mind being whipped. I don't think I mind so much either.

"Alright, we'll meet up here after school with our results!"

I look down at the slacker resting below us. He's probably working on his tan. "What about him?"

She rolls her eyes. "He's of no use to me. He'd probably fall asleep during most of the recruiting portion." She looks at me yet again with fierce determination. "But you—_you'll _be there to help me out, won't you?"

Why even ask that question? Even if I said no, you'll drag me along for the ride anyway.

"I know you, Sora. You try to act like you hate partaking in my plans, but I see right through your fascia! You usually end up getting really into it by the times we kick things into full gear!" She winks.

Yeah, maybe to your whacked perception. It can only lead me to less than desirable results in the future. Let's just see how this pans out. If this is nothing else, then it is at least, interesting.

"So, are you in?"

"Sure. But can we get all the details straightened—"

"WOO!" Kairi cheers as she jumps up and down for joy. "See? This is why I love you, Sora! You're my main man!"

It's funny how a certain tone can alter those kinds of declarations. Just a few notches down on the volume column and she'd probably be confessing her love for me. I'm enveloped into a hug. It shamefully brings heat to my face.

"God," Riku groans. "Can't you two get all lovey dovey somewhere else? I'm trying to allow the heavens a good view of me while I soak in the sun's rays." He puts on some shades.

Judging by his sweat, "All you seem to be soaking in is heat."

"No, I _am _the heat, son."

"Be quiet!" Kairi yells. "I have no further use for you, Riku, because I knew Sora would pull through! Begone!" She looks at me again. "I'll see you later!" She waves as she runs back down the steps. She left rather quickly. I suppose first period _is_ about to start soon.

Wait a second, what have I gotten myself into? An unorthodox club severely deficient of planning or purpose is now in my hands. And what the hell am I supposed to do anyway? Find club members? Oh, yeah, because this is an easy idea to sell. _Hey, join this club we're making! We have no idea what we'll be doing, where it'll take place, what the hours are, or any of the information you want to know! Nor can we confirm your safety or anything that we will do to you will be entirely legal, but hey, sign up for the ride! _We might as well just put up a poster and splash "Kairi Hart" across the front for our marketing strategy. That alone would reel in some suckers, and I'm not being sarcastic.

Riku stands up and places a hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad she trusts you more than me now, bro. Even though we both know that I'm way more on top of things."

His arrogance has been on a new level lately. Has he been digesting douche flakes for breakfast? Trust me, he's not usually like this. "What's with you? Why are you acting like this?"

His smirk falls almost immediately. Just what are you up to, Riku Nekai? "Okay, you got me. I'm trying to help you out."

"Trying to help me out? With what, exactly?"

He rolls his eyes. Why does everybody think I'm a mind reader? Just say what's on your mind, and we build the conversation from there. "I thought someone as smart as you would have figured it out, but I guess it's true when they say the academically gifted are clueless when it comes to their social life."

"I'm so confused..." And just for the record, I'm not what I would call academically gifted. That would imply that I _care _about school.

"Hello! I'm trying to look like an asshole in front of Kairi. All so that you look better!"

"You are?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't exactly help the situation at hand when you're constantly late to her meetings. I mean, come on, I tried being late and I still got here before you."

My household runs on high adrenaline on school day mornings. It's a pace I'm not wired to keep up with, so don't blame me for that kind of stuff. "I appreciate it, but really, there's no point."

"There's not?"

I let my bag rest as I lean against the wall of a building block behind us. I think it's about time to let the cat out of the bag. "Listen, I was thinking about my relationship with Kairi two days ago. I kind of came to the conclusion that I'll go on ahead and tell her how I feel."

His eyes light up to the announcement. "Dude, way to go!"

"I wasn't done," I interject. "I've thought it over, and I think I'll have to postpone on that for a while."

"Dude, way to go," he says, this time with a lot more sarcasm. He sighs, as if not entirely surprised. "So, why'd you change your mind?"

"With these club shenanigans, it'd be pointless. She's so intent on it. If I spring something like that onto her out of nowhere, it'll be too much. It's just not the right time." I decide to leave out the fact that I don't want to ruin the friendship we have either. But that's cliché.

"I guess I can see where you're coming from," he agrees, picking at his teeth. "You better be careful, though. Kairi's a catch. And we don't want anybody else going in for the kill before you."

I'll be damned if I let that happen. No way am I letting a random ass faceless background character swoop in and steal her away from my grasp. You're probably thinking that won't happen in a story like this, but you've got to learn how to expect the unexpected. I'm not letting anything past me.

"Putting things off is procrastination, and we all know that procrastination is an excuse."

"You may not be wrong, but I have my reasons." A weak retort, but what else can I say?

"Lucky for you, Kairi isn't so easy to sweep off her feet."

"Yeah. It has its ups and downs. The good part is that I haven't had to deal with her tossing away her single status to some random jerk. There's a long list of guys she's rejected. The bad part is that I'm afraid I might be on that list if I ever attempted to ask her out."

"I don't think you would be."

"But what if that's the case?"

"I think it depends on what you do with your circumstances. Good luck, Sora." He leaves without another word. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Get back here, you dick! I guess he just wanted to give my mind something to chew on. I might as well pack my pita and leave as well. Riku's probably going to stumble into class late with a pathetic excuse while Kairi's off doing... something.

I'm not very keen on going to class just yet. How about one last detour? First period is Spanish class anyway, and when the hell am I ever going to use that in life? This is a well deserved skip. My brain is going through a tornado. One part of me is saying that this is the perfect time to gather some members for this club nonsense. It'd make Kairi happy. Another part of me is rubbing my shoulders telling me to relax and put my stress to rest. I usually like listening to the latter, despite how unhealthy its poisonous persuasion is. Hey, I still have a whole day to gather up some members. I'll be fine.

I enter the school library, the sanctuary for peace and quiet. It's pretty tidy in here, with the books all organized in their respective genres. The walls are painted green with book shelves on the right and the left side of the room. In the middle, we have space for tables and computers. Students usually come here to skip, but the administration do little about it. A handful of my peers are on the computers looking up not school appropriate things. They use a proxy to avoid getting caught for doing stuff under the school wifi. I find a seat at a table close to a big window. It gives me a nice view of the sidewalk.

I really need some coffee right now.

I look across me to see someone delved into a book. They haven't even acknowledged my existence yet, but I recognize the cover. It's a book that's been tossed around campus by all the social standings more intellectual cliques. It's supposed to have a lot of detail on urban myths like Big Foot and the Big Bang theory. Though I haven't heard much of a positive reaction for it.

"So, you enjoying your book?" I decide to ask.

They put their book down to give me a dull look. He has steel-blue hair and thick bangs that cover his left eye. He sports reading glasses. "It's actually pretty interesting. There are some paragraphs the author may have needed to look over a couple of times, but overall, I think it gives us nice background information. There's less than decent context of certain revelations, though."

"Don't tell me you believe in all of that stuff."

"Of course not," he says, but then smirks. "However, if the proof is valid, then I can only accommodate myself into altering my view of the world. I'm quite fascinated with the mysteries that have yet to be solved by some of the world's most top notch scientists. But still, they can't be that smart if they haven't concluded anything after years, centuries even, of research. Sometimes I think they're all just wasting their time, but I admire their persistence."

Damn it, I didn't want to start _this _type of conversation with him. It can only mean one thing; this guy is going to play a role in the story. He must be a brand new character, and he seems to be a little bit on the wacky portion of the scale.

"I don't think you'll find your answers through a book like this."

"Every bit of information counts. You can use it to your advantage when—wait a second, what am I doing even talking to you about this for? I'm sure you're not interested in my theories. I don't like wasting my time with strangers."

Okay, run Sora! Run while you still can before this guy turns into a bonified character! I stand up, ready to dash out of the room. "I guess not. Make sure you keep your little scientific mumbo jumbo a little less exaggerated."

"Typical. I suppose I shouldn't have expected much more from a delinquent," he says with a grin.

I stop in my tracks. Who does he think he is? He must hold the title for most passive aggressive dick in the entire universe. Is he trying to pick a fight with me? "Listen pal, you're a pretty big talker. But a sharp tongue doesn't make a keen mind. Word of advice, if you want to bash our scientists for what they do, then you're talking shit for no reason. I suggest you get out and make your own discoveries before you judge someone else's."

Just some guidance so that he knows I'm not an idiot. I may be a delinquent who likes to skip class and drink unhealthy amounts of coffee, but I'm not stupid. I begin making my way out.

"Wait."

I want to move, but I can't. It's probably the physics of being a character. I can only do so much before I'm forced into something against my will. I hate FanFiction.

I turn around. He pushes up his glasses and gives me a smirk. "You make a valid point, Hikari, is it?"

"That's me."

He extends his hand. "I'm Zexion Ishida. Nice to meet you."

I give his hand a shake.

"You're definitely not the perception I originally had of you. I thought you were a slacker just like your no good pal, Riku." Gee, thanks. "But I see now, you aren't as bad as I thought. Anybody who can hit me with such a reality check can't be all that bad."

I don't see why he's making such a big deal out of this. I simply stated the obvious. "If this is your way of making an acquaintance, let me be the first to tell you that your system is severely flawed."

He chuckles. "Relax. To be honest, I was just joking around with you earlier to see if I could push your buttons a little bit." Ah, so you are a passive aggressive dick. "But I didn't expect you to come up with a reasonable argument. If I want to find out more about the world's mysteries, I can't just sit around and read about it. I should go out and do something about it for myself. The world could use some more brainpower, don't you think?"

"I guess so."

"Then my destiny is set. I like to think of myself as an adept scientist."

Yes, that's very shocking news.

"Zex!" I hear a voice ring out. A raven-haired girl busts into the premises with a huge grin. "Hey! Zexion! I finally found you!"

The lady at the front desk hushes her.

"What?! I can't hear you!"

This girl, I know her. Her name is Yuffie Kisaragi. She's the new kid this year and is quickly making a name for herself as being Kairi 2.0. She's a cutie, but doesn't live up to Kairi's standards. Yuffie lunges towards me and Zexion. She does a random ninja-like roll until she's up on her feet, her fists planted at her sides.

"Sexy Zexy, I've been looking all over for you! I should have known you would have been here in the boring old library!"

Sexy Zexy?

"You'd be surprised. Maybe that brain of yours might get an upgrade if you simply spent a day here with me from time to time."

Sorry, I'm still stuck on Sexy Zexy.

"No can do! I have a life, thank you!" Yuffie turns to me. "Hey, I know you! I see you around the school all the time! What's your name again?"

She seems friendly enough. "Sora Hikari. You must be Yuffie Kisaragi."

"Aw, did the hair give it away? I thought you mighta took me for Xion or something!"

Xion?

"She's my little sister," she answers, as if reading my mind.

"I see. So, what's the status between you and Zexion here?"

"Status? No status! Just best friends!" She wraps an arm around him. An unlikely duo, but judging by the smirk on Zexion, he appreciates her prattle.

"You guys don't seem like each other's type."

"That's what I used to think! But Zexy's really just a big softy once you get to know him."

Sure. Whatever you say. I'm sure he'd open to you, since you probably annoyed him to death for weeks until he finally accepted you as a friend at long last. It's ideal for someone like you.

"Best friends might be pushing it a bit, more like, I just have a much better tolerance for you these days."

"Naysayers gonna naysay!"

"I'm just telling it like it is."

"If you can't be positive then at least be quiet!"

The lady behind the desk scowls. I can't blame her, Yuffie's voice definitely carries. I chuckle. She seems to have the energy that will allow her to keep up with Kairi. Perhaps, even more so than me.

Time to round up my first member. "Yuffie, you think you might want to join this club me and my friend are putting together?"

She rubs her chin. "A club? Hmm, sounds fun! What kind of club?"

You tell me. "Uh, that's a surprise."

"A surprise? Oh, I love surprises! Sounds like fun, doesn't it, Sexy Zexy?"

Oh crap. I didn't want _him _in on this. What scares me the most is that he looks like he's actually taking this under consideration. Please, Miss authoress! Whatever you do, _don't _make him say yes!

"A club with an unknown premise. It sounds quite interesting, even I must admit. I think it'd be worth checking out."

Sigh...

I want to be angry, but quite honestly, I saw this coming. This confirms him as another character, but on the bright side, so is Yuffie. Things seem to be happening a little fast, aren't they?

"Give us the details, Sor!"

"I'll fill you in on the details later. Meet me here tomorrow and hopefully I'll have some more information for you two."

Zexion chuckles. "How unorganized. Why even give us an invitation if you can't sell it properly?"

This guy is like a bag of pampers. Self absorbed, and full of shit. "Well, you don't have to come if you don't want to. Kairi is going to be head of things, so if you have any questions, I'd recommend you go talk to her."

Zexion chuckles warmly while he rubs the back of his head. "Sorry if I'm offending you. But you gotta learn how to take a joke."

Oh, shut up.

The bell rings. Thank God, I don't need to be around Zexion anymore. I'm pretty sure he's trying to get a rouse out of me at this point, but I won't reward him with impulsive behavior.

"I'll see you guys later." I turn for the door.

A hand grips my wrist. "Hold on just a second! What period do you have next?" Yuffie asks.

"Economics."

"Skip it and go to the cafeteria with me! You seem cool!"

I'd love to, but I value at least attending some classes of my day. Trivial classes like the electives don't deserve to relish in my presence. Some classes are a waste of time, but to not go to any of them, then I'd just be wasting my own time. "Can't, sorry. But we'll see more of each other as long as you join the club."

She makes a pouty face. "Aww, but okay! I understand!"

"Aren't you going to class?"

She scoffs. "I have health next period."

I know what you mean, but that class actually has useful information if you pay attention. Not that I enjoy it or anything.

"So, are you gonna join?"

"Yeah, sure!" Her enthusiasm is contagious. I'm getting a little antsy myself. "But hey, I need to get up to the cafeteria soon before the late bell rings, and I don't want to be the reason for your tardy, so see ya! Come on, Zexy!" She skips out while giving me a wink.

Zexion steps up to me. "Well, it looks like we may be potential fellow club members. Exciting, huh?"

I roll my eyes, making sure to exaggerate it so that he takes the hint. "Sure. If you say so."

He doesn't even seem to notice. He still has that stupid smile of his. What's this guy's deal? He's fucking creepy. He extends his hand. "I suppose we ought to start getting along. I'm glad we could meet each other."

I reluctantly shake his hand. I still don't exactly trust the guy, but I guess it'd be rude to not shake. So I do. That's when he pulls he me closer to him and gropes my rear end suggestively.

Wait, what?!

"Maybe if I can get some alone time with you, we can make this something worth while. I've had my eye set on you from the start, Hikari. See, this is all just a big gamble. Play your cards right, and you might have something of merrit."

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! What is he doing? What's going on? I didn't know—but—I—he didn't—but I thought—

I almost lose my sanitary, but he stifles fits. Without warning, he detonated into laughter. "It was just a joke! I must say, your face was quite amusing!" He pats me on the back. "Oh, but we are gonna have a fun time if you're that easy to get a reaction out of. I'll see you!" He makes his exit.

What the hell just happened?

* * *

**So, yeah, this is turning out to be really Haruhi right now. But trust me, this story is only taking a few cues out of it, like the club, a super enthusiastic leader, and the dynamic between Sora and Zexion is gonna be similar to that of Kyon and Koizumi. This chapter showcases a very exaggerated version of it though. There might be one more little thing in there. But yes, my recent obsession with Haruhi is transcending into this story. I hope it isn't too much of a problem. I promise this won't be some bland rehash of the story with just KH characters.**

**So, tell me what you think? Sora's home life isn't as carefree as you thought it might be, huh? And I'm leaving Sora's father out of the picture for now on purpose. We'll go more into him later.**

**So, tell what you did/didn't like in a review! I appreciate honesty, so if you're really not feeling this chapter all that much, by all means, let me know! Tell me what you think I need to improve on!**

**I give a big ass thanks to blissfulnightrain, 90sboy, RandomReader7600, Guardian's Solace, Ken7700, and Clogallie for your reviews last chapter! I appreciate it tons!**


	4. My Internal Resolve

Confessions are like a flip of a coin. They can go one way or the other.

I've come to the conclusion that my original plan to confess to Kairi may have to be terminated. Before you start calling me a pussy, understand that I bear an agonizing fear of rejection. Even more so than rejection, I dread the thought of betrayal. I wouldn't know if I could handle it if Kairi, or any girl I have feelings for, goes behind my back with some other guy.

There's a heavy risk hidden under any confession. Love can turn a sane man deranged if the right actions fall into place. Do I want to risk that on a chance at Kairi's affection? From a distance, it's quite tempting. But the closer I get, the more my vision seems to be purified of blind endearment.

I keep trying to deny the idea of Kairi being a walking plot device for my destruction, but there's always that little voice that tells you what you don't want to hear. So I have to accept that Kairi will be the death of me and maybe it's best if I avoid her at all costs.

_Sora, can you hear me? Come on, snap out of it!"_

Did I just hear something? Oh well.

I might have to just train myself to only view her as a friend and nothing more. It's gonna be hard—trying to turn the love of my life into a frame of platonic friendship. But it can be done.

It's gotta be done, for the sake of a good a strong hand grapples me by the head and shakes me relentlessly.

A strong hand grapples me by the head, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Is this thing broken?" Riku asks as he wobbles me like a bobble head.

Of course, he awakens me to a reality where he remains the supreme ruler of all, while I, his insignificant lackey, fail to keep up with his track. I don't know if I hate him or not.

"Kairi, I think we have to order a new Sora dummy. This one's busted."

I shove him away. "Knock it off!"

The classroom is empty aside from a few stragglers. Riku and Kairi give me those smirks that I've been dreading for years now. Whenever I see those god damn smirks, it means I'm probably in for some teasing.

"Did I miss something?" I ask.

Riku rolls his eyes while Kairi giggles.

"He's so hopeless," Riku jokes.

"No kidding," Kairi agrees. She wraps her hands around my arm and lifts me out of my seat. "Come on, silly, we're gonna go to Cait Sith's."

After school nourishment—what would I do without you? I send Roxas a quick text telling him to head home without me and we make our exit.

The laidback, tropical sensation of Destiny Islands does a lot for my stability. I don't know how I would be able to handle the stress of loving someone like Kairi or looking after a brother like Roxas if I were anywhere else. This place is a form of therapy. It keeps me from acting on impulsive acts of passion.

As much as I hate to admit it, that tiny voice in the back of my head keeps me what my life would be like if I acted on my desires. Instead of monologuing to myself all the time, I do wish I could be more simple-minded like Riku and just go after what I want, not really burying my head too deep into what consequences may come my way in result.

"What's got you so down in the dumps today?" Kairi asks. Her worrisome blue eyes stare at me with sincere concern.

"Don't worry about him," Riku says. "He's too busy thinking about his plans with his right hand this weekend."

Kairi jabs him lightly in the stomach using her elbow. "Don't listen to him, Sora. If you need to talk, I'll always be here to listen."

If only it were that easy. How do I talk to you when you're one of the things on my mind constantly? "Thanks." But no thanks. I don't think that's going to work out too well in the long run. Sorry, Kairi.

Riku's arm roughly settles on my shoulders. "Guys don't talk, Kairi. We act. We're hunters, fighters, warriors. I'm sure you wouldn't understand. Sora's just playing the tough guy right now, as well as he should. It's a sign of strength. Courage. Integrity. Pride."

"Okay, so can you not?" Kairi doesn't seem to buy Riku's bullshit. "So I guess guys don't have to worry about frivolous little things like, you know, feelings or whatever, right?"

"I lack emotion," Riku deadpans.

"Well, that explains it. Guys are just robots who like to keep their feelings bottled up inside instead of just venting when given the opportunity. No wonder you men are so difficult."

"We're difficult? You act like girls don't do the same thing. I'll ask a girl if something's wrong and she'll pretend to be okay, then an hour later she'll get mad at me for not automatically knowing what's wrong as if I'm a mind reader!" But if you can't tame the lion, don't even try. You'll only get eaten alive eventually."

"He's got a point," I add. But if you can't tame the lion, don't even try. You'll only get eaten alive eventually."

"But if you can't tame the lion, don't even try. You'll only get eaten alive eventually."

Now he lost me. I roll my eyes while Kairi shakes her head. "That analogy isn't even relevant in this conversation and barely makes any sense." I remove his arm from my shoulder.

"Well, _excuse me_,. Man, since when did you two get so… not fun?"

"It's called growing up, Riku. It's all fun and games until you get the hormones," Kairi says.

Before Riku responds, a petite girl clings to his arm. At first glance, I thought she was Yuffie, with her short cut raven hair. But there's something different about her. She looks younger.

"Hey, you," the girl says, snuggling into Riku's toned arm.

"Hey babe, I thought you had school council today." Riku pecks her on the lips.

"Luckily for you, they got canceled today since half of the council is on the prom committee and they urgently need to get on top of that." She looks to Kairi and I with a smile. "You guys don't mind if I steal Riku away from you for a second, do you?"

Keep him. Makes it easier for my self-esteem.

"Back up a second… lucky for me?"

"Yeah, because you get to treat me to an after-school smoothie!" She pokes his nose.

"You know, if my wallet were alive, he would hate you so much." She kisses him, ceasing any protest from him. He grins once they part. "Well, I guess my wallet is gonna have to lose weight today."

"Sorry to intrude," Kairi interrupts, "but the third and fourth wheels here are just gonna wait until you guys get done."

"No need to be jealous Kairi," Riku teases. "There's more than enough of Riku to go around for everybody."

"Oh, please," she scoffs. "How come you didn't tell me and Sora you had a girlfriend?"

"You never asked." He shrugs. I swear I hate that response. "Guys, this is Xion. I met her last week on cleaning duty. Xion, these are my best friends, Sora and Kairi."

"Oh, I know who she is," Xion giggles. "Who doesn't?"

Kairi grabs her cheeks with an embarrassed smile. "Aww, you're too sweet."

Modesty looks good on her, but it's hilarious. She really is the light within dark. She's like an elegant tide that ripples tame currents, a paradox if I've ever heard one. How can someone so delicate make me erupt with all of these sporadic emotions? These confusing feelings, this wavering melancholy, the knots in my stomach that tighten at the sound of her name seem to foreshadow my downfall.

It's been on my mind all day—what am I getting myself into? Just having these feelings for someone in a trio of friends is paving the way for disastrous developments. At this point, I'm almost asking for a destructive result. So, what am I supposed to do? Kairi has a solid point; if I keep this bottled in for too much longer, I'm going to be steering towards a path of insanity. Is that what I really want?

Kairi snaps in my face.

"Okay, you're _really _out of it today. That's the third time I've had to wake you up."

I blink a few times until my vision settles. "Uh, I'm sorry. What were we talking about?"

"I was trying to introduce you to Xion," Riku answers. "You were too busy staring at the ground to notice."

I rub the back of my head in embarrassment. My daydreaming really is at an all-time high today. "Sorry about that. I'm Sora Hikari, nice to meet you. You're Yuffie's little sister, right?"

"Yeah. You've met her, huh?"

"Yep, and I find it funny that you seem more mature than her." Not that I don't like Yuffie the way she is.

"I get that a lot." She chuckles.

"Keep my pal Riku here in check, he's a handful."

"Oh, you don't have to inform me. I'm quite aware of what I have on my hands."

"You make it sound like a job or something," Riku says as he dips her with his arms, making her erupt with giggles. He kisses her neck, and she's far from rejecting his advances.

Can I just like, switch egos with him for just one day?

"Okay, okay, we get it. Geeze." Kairi breaks them apart. "You guys want to do anything else that makes me feel self-conscious about being single?"

Shut up, you can get any guy in this school if you wanted to.

"Yeah, I think I've tortured you guys enough," Riku admits. "But I think I'm gonna tag with Xion. So, don't wait up."

"Gladly." Kairi hooks links our arms together. "Besides, Sora and I need to talk."

Despite the innocent tone, something about the way she said that makes me gulp. Riku gives me a wink and a thumb up for good luck.

"Alright, I'll catch you guys later."

We all part ways with our respective pairings. I look back and watch as Riku and Xion fade into the distance. There's nobody to save me now. I'm trapped in her clutch and her power over me may soar, even if she doesn't realize it. I don't know whether to be excited or nervous.

"So…" I start. "Talk? About what, exactly?" Does it start with "I" and end with a "you"? Insert word in between.

"What's wrong with you?" she asks sincerely. "You've been out of it all week."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean? Where's my goofy, sarcastic yet lovable dork that I adore?"

"I think you refer to someone else."

"Something's been on your mind, and as your best friend, I demand to know what it is!"

Typical Kairi, demanding things that should be based on my own personal choice, but it's only her way of saying she cares. I find myself chuckling at her nagging concern. She's like a second mother.

She cracks a smile as well. "Well, that's a relief. I think that's the first time I've seen you smile all day."

"Sorry for worrying you, but there's really nothing to be worked up about."

"People don't just zone out like that if there's nothing wrong. Come on, you know me—just tell me what's the matter and Kairi will make it all better!" Curse that smile of hers. I don't think she understands the influence she has over me. I almost give in to temptation until I force myself to look away.

"It's nothing, honest." She examines me as if I'm a work of art. She's clearly skeptical. "It's called personal space, you know."

"We're supposed to be friends, Sora. Friends are supposed to be honest with each other."

She's really good with that guilt trip, but I got to stand my ground. "It's something I really have to figure out on my own. When the time comes, I won't have any problem telling you." And even that isn't a guarantee.

"But—"

"And if you have any respect for me as a friend, you'll respect my wishes." I grin as her ruffle up her hair.

"So, it's just that you don't trust me. I get it."

Why does she love stuffing words into my mouth? "That's not the case at all, it's just a matter that needs all of my attention before I can safely go to anyone else for a consult." She pouts like a kid that couldn't eat any cookies before dinner, and I can't fight against a smile. "Don't give me that look, you know I trust you—now's just not a good time."

"Well, just answer me one question then—you're not in trouble, are you?"

To be honest with you, I'm not too sure how to answer that question. I'll just tell her what she wants to hear. "No, it's nothing like that."

She sighs. "Fine, as long as you're not in any type of danger… but I'm not gonna stop until I get it out of you, mister! You hear?"

She means it, too. "Loud and clear, Captain."

"All this prodding sure does make a girl hungry." And wouldn't you know it, we stop right in front of Cait Sith's. Convenient, huh? Its feline mascot is a can't miss. She smacks me in the back of my head before skipping off to the entrance. "Race you inside!"

I chuckle and race after her. She always knows how to cheer me up. I'm able to catch up with her right before she grabs the entrance door to Cait Sith's and tighten my arms around her from behind.

She gasps in shock. "S-Sora!"

"Not so tough now, are you?"

"Idiot, everybody's looking at us weird… they'll get the wrong idea!"

It's just so cute when she gets all flustered like that. "Does it look like I care?" I whisper into her ear, and I feel her tremble in my hold. I could stay like this forever.

"Oh? Two can play that game!" The next thing I know, she leaps into the air, forcing me to stretch my arms out to break her fall.

"Whoa—" I stumble back from the sudden impact of her weight and my back makes contact with the concrete. We catch eyes of the masses, who look at us like we're some kind of freak show. Perhaps we are, but we don't mind. We're too busy laughing hysterically to care. Although, my stomach kind of hurts with her sitting on top like that, but the pain feels good (that's what she—nevermind). Yeah, I'm weird. Deal with it.

"I guess I win this round." She whips her hair back.

"At least my face isn't red." I grin.

She quickly stands up and pats her cheek. "Is not!"

I bellow in laughter as I stand up, clutching my sides to add emphasis.

"It's not funny!"

Who knows? Maybe, just _maybe _in a small, speckle of hope that chance has to offer, she might return my feelings. Maybe I do have a shot. If she's getting so flustered over something like that, I wouldn't be surprised.

Chill, Sora. We don't want to get our hopes up.

"I'm sorry, you're just too cute," I coo while ruffling her hair. She stares at me dully.

"And you're a butthole." I only laugh again. She walks toward the entrance door and opens it while as she presents it to me. She bows mockingly. "Ladies first."

I roll my eyes. "At least you've got the manners of a proper gentleman."

"Ynuck, ynuck."

I enter the building and sigh. Its familiarity brings back many memories. Nostalgia is an indescribable feeling. I miss the days where Kairi and I would always laugh so loud in here that the staff would have to kick us out. We'd eat big chunks of ice cream with unhealthy amounts of chocolate syrup oozing down the sides. Those were the days.

Kairi slaps me on the butt as she walks further inside. "Quit gawkin', toots, it's just our everyday hangout." She speaks with a New Jersey accent. I follow behind her.

Seriously, what is it with people touching my butt lately? I give her a watchful eye. "Was slapping me on the backside really called for? You're just making me feel like less of a man." Rather her than Zexion any day, though.

"That would imply that there was any masculinity there to begin with." She winks.

Oh, no she didn't.

"Well, I guess you're the man in this relationship. Sure you don't have a _wittle_ Kairi in those pants, huh?"

She shrugs. "Mines probably bigger than yours anyway."

Now that's just cruel. "Hey! S-Shut up!"

She gives me a sly look. "Ooh, looks like I hit a sensitive spot. Don't worry, it's okay to be a late bloomer!" We find our usual booth and sit on opposite sides. We love sitting next to the big window.

"Speak for yourself, B cup."

She fondles her average-sized breasts with a proud grin. "All natural though, baby. Can't get mad at me for that."

I shake my head. "How in the world did the conversation steer here?"

She chuckles. "You tell me."

Times like this made me wish we never met Riku. Selfish, I know, and I love the guy, but still. If only we had more days like these, just the two of us—nobody else. When we're together, it's like we're in our own little world where we reside as king and queen; our awkward jokes and childish banter reign supreme.

The waiter zips by and asks for our drinks.

"Did you find anybody to join the club?" Kairi asks after the waiter leaves.

I forgot all about that stupid club. "Yeah. I did, actually."

"Who? Is it anybody I know?"

"You tell me—Yuffie Kisaragi and Zexion Ishida."

"I've seen Yuffie around. The other one, I'm not so sure."

"You honestly don't want to," I wave her off. "They said they wanted to join."

"That's awesome," she says with a clap. "According to the handbook, we need at least five members. If these guys join, that makes four for us already. This is a good start! Give me the details."

We thank the waiter as he sets down our drinks on the table. We give him our orders and he hurries to the back.

I lean my head against my hand and use my other finger to draw invisible circles on the table. "I told them I'd have some more information for them tomorrow. That is, if you've figured anything out as far as how this club is going to go down."

"Don't worry, I got it all figured out!" There's that dangerous grin of hers again. To my surprise, however, it quickly fades into a more solemn smile as she looks out the window. "Did you know that I've always been interested in romance?"

With the way she always gushes whenever rumor spreads of the latest couple like a typical schoolgirl like her would, I'm not surprised. "I might have flirted with the idea once or twice."

She leans her chin on her fist, her eyes watchful of the passing civilians. "It's always been so fascinating to me. I find myself always asking, what exactly is love? I can't seem to find an answer that I'm confident enough in." She turns to me with a hopeful gaze. "What do you think?"

I never thought that Kairi, of all people, would be the one to ask me this question. And the irony of it just leaves a sour taste. You're asking me what love is? Me, the guy who's dabbled in the dominion of the nonsensical spectacle ever since I first laid eyes on you? Of course, you wouldn't know about any of that, would you?

On numerous occasions, I've contemplated what I believe is to be the definition of such a incalculable phenomenon. Quantum physics couldn't coincide with the irrational complications that love creates. And you're asking _me _what it means?

Her eyes are almost begging, pleading, as if the world's existence hangs on my answer. This must have been something that's been on her mind for a while. I never deemed Kairi as unintelligent, but I never imagined that she'd dwell on these types of implications. I don't want my answer to disappoint her.

Where did this even come from?

"Love," I begin, clearing my dry throat. "Well, I think there isn't a clear-cut definition for love. It's just an instinctive emotion brought on by a collection of moments in time. It's unpredictable and can be unforgiving if under certain circumstances." I sigh. "If anything, I'd say it's just a fairy tale word for dependency. We rely on each other so much to make each other happy because most of us aren't happy with ourselves." I chortle. "It's kinda… selfish when you really think about it."

I look up notice her eyes haven't faltered. She's clinging to every word—I know, because her lips are slightly parted.

"It sounds like you've been thinking about it a lot too," she says. "But I think you might have a more pessimistic view on it." When you've been deprived of romantic affection for as long as I have, you'd understand. Maybe I am being pessimistic. I don't have much experience in the matter to bounce off of. It just doesn't make sense to me—where does love come from?"

"It just doesn't make sense to me—where does love come from?"

"I don't know what to tell you," I answer honestly.

"I want to learn more about love from people that have gone through it. That's when I realized what I wanted to do with our club. I want us to be, like, a club of people who counsel rotten relationships or people who are having a tough time confessing to a person they like. I want to help lost people find love, even if I don't know what it exactly is myself. Maybe then… I'll finally understand."

"So, this is basically just you using this club as an excuse to experiment for your theories of love?"

She hits me lightly on the shoulder. "Well, when you say like that!"

"Sorry, I just call it how I see it. But that doesn't necessarily make you the bad guy or anything. I can understand your curiosity."

"You do? Really?"

"Of course. It's no revolution that many have tried delving into complicated topics. Better gals than you have tried." I take a sip out of my water.

"You sure know how to make a girl feel special," she says sarcastically.

"Sorry, just saying."

"Yeah, well sometimes it'd be better if you didn't say anything at all." She crosses her arms and averts her head to the window. "I thought you of all people might understand." Looks like I've done it now.

"I didn't mean it like that. I was just saying that to find an answer like that, it's not gonna be some kind of walk in the park. Love is just something we may never be able to explain. I wouldn't really question it."

"I guess you're right, but I still hate not knowing. Sorry for getting mad, it's just been a hectic week."

I nod. "It sure has."

"On a brighter note, I know the club name now!"

"Oh yeah? What?"

"The Love Club!"

Because that's totally unique. "That's the best you could come up with?"

She raises an eyebrow. "You got something better, Mister Innovative?"

I know that the "Love Club" certainly won't do. Such an undistinguished title will lead us into forgettable territory in no time. If she wants this stupid club to have any kind of longevity, there has to be some zest in our name. That's the first step.

I've been trying to understand the concept of love for years. It's a big battle of contradicting epiphanies that don't seem to connect or add up in any sensible order. It's an internal quarrel that tests your logical proficiency, although "logic" and "love" definitely do not go hand-in-hand.

And since Kairi and I want to find some basis to go off of with this unfathomable notion of romance, the best way to describe it is an internal struggle. I mean, for goodness sake, the title of this story is based on an internal conflict. Wait a minute…

That's it!

"How about… Lover's Internal Quarrel?"

She rubs her chin thoughtfully. "That's interesting…"

"It's a little rough around the edges, but it might be an eye catcher."

Wink, wink—nudge, nudge.

She smiles. "I like it! Lover's Internal Quarrel, it is! Where did you come up with something like that?"

"I just read the title of the stor—I mean, what?"

"Hm?"

"Uh, just came to me, I guess." I take a sip of my drink.

"This is gonna be so much fun! You're gonna be the vice-president, okay? You're my right-hand man!"

Wow, handing me with such responsibility and authority already? "I'm flattered."

"You've been nothing but helpful to me, it's the least I can do. Now all that's left to do is to put the pieces together!"

"It's nice to see you excited about something like this."

"How can I not? We're gonna be the best club in all of Destiny High!"

Her enthusiasm is contagious, but I don't let it affect me. I can admit that it is piquing my interest, but, "Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

She can barely contain her excitement. If she were a firecracker, this place would be in flames by now. "I can't thank you enough."

I raise my eyebrow. "Uh, for what?"

"I don't know. I guess for just always being there for me, even when we were little kids. You've always been there, you know? I can't imagine a life without having your goofy face there to cheer me up. You really are my best friend."

I smile. "Same to you, Kai."

"I don't know what I would do without a lazy bum like you." She lifts her glass. "A toast—to friendship!"

Is this a subtle rejection? I feel like I'm being major friend-zoned right now. I can't tell. Oh well, it doesn't repress the silly grin on my face. I've been smiling so much this afternoon, my cheeks are gonna have stretch marks.

Such powerful confessions—too bad it's probably only platonic on her end of the scale. But, you know… if my feelings really aren't reciprocated, then I can at least be satisfied with what I've got. It's better to have her in my life as a friend than to not have her in my life at all. Maybe I should keep things this way. Perhaps confessing would just beckon awkward tension between us if she doesn't feel the same way—or at the very least, consider accepting my feelings.

I don't want to lose her. God help me if I do.

Confessions are like a flip of the coin—and I think, at least for now, this is one coin I don't want to prospect the probability of. I don't want to lose my best friend and at the same time I don't want to look back down the road, sulking at thoughts of what might have been if I just took a chance.

We'll see. I've got time. Plenty of time for me to sort out everything I want to say. Until then, I think I'll find some refuge in the friend zone.

I lift my glass and clink mines with hers.

"To friendship."

* * *

**I literally haven't updated a thing for a whole MONTH. And this story I haven't updated since like, the beginning of December! **

**Oh goodness, it feels so good to be updating again. I went on a huge writer's block but it seems like it's starting to wear away. In the wake of my updating absence, I've actually been reading tons of different stories! Like woo, it's a handful! I've had to tackle, like, six to eight different stories at once. I'm glad to finally be writing again. **

**I originally was going to use a plot that a friend suggested, which was to basically have all the guys in the club so far group up and start figuring out what they were going to do with this club, but when I wrote it out, it didn't turn out so good. I literally wrote like four or five different drafts of this chapter, each with entirely different plots because I just couldn't get any of them right. I think I raped my backspace button...**

**So I decided on this one. I wanted to show you guys more of Kairi's personality. I feel like it gives us more insight as to why Sora likes her, because he's been saying it a lot, but we haven't gotten to see them alone yet to learn why does he really does adore her so much. Well, this is why! They're just best buddies for life! It was a more fluffy chap, so not much that moved the plot forward, but it will be the stepping stones in developing their relationship! I hope it was still enjoyable!**

**Check out some these guys, these are some of the stories I've been reading/working on while I went on hibernation: **

**Persona Hearts by Ken7700 (I just help him out with this story from time to time XD)**

**Gravekeeper by SoraLover1994 (it's a Shugo Chara story, but I think it's worth checking out)**

**Dear No One by meliodass (she used to be kittykat1217. Idk why she changed it :/)**

**Guardians by Princess-Xion (because she baaaccckk!)**

**and**

**Heart Station and Chandelier by SoraxKairi7 (BOTH because she is amaazingg and I know you love her! Don't try to act like you don't!)**

**Alright, thanks for reading and leave me a review please! **


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